Obesity!

Scientists say obesity may be caused by bacteria in your stomach. They are ingested by cheeseburgers and pizza.

Somewhere between the time I was a kid and now, the American Medical Association decided to change the rules, labeling those of us 20 - 30 pounds overweight as obese. Absurd!

According to their charts, I should only weigh 175 pounds. That's ridiculous. Several years ago, I dropped 75 pounds and ended up at 185 pounds. I looked and felt terrible. Everyone thought I looked gravelly ill. So, I tried to put on 15 pounds, but didn't stop. So now I need to lose about 25 pounds.

At 200 pounds, I look and feel well. But according to those stupid charts, I will still be 25 pounds overweight - and obese! Are you kidding me? What am I, a super model? My doctor tells me to avoid the scale and only pay attention to how loose my clothes become. So I think I can avoid dieting by buying bigger clothing.

Diets are ridiculous. My last doctor wanted me to get down to my original weight, but that's 6 pounds, 5 oz. Insane! That's why he's my former doctor.

Dieting is a huge business. There are so many products on the market, all claiming to be the miracle of weight loss. The problem is, many of the so called miracle products have turned out to be completely ineffective or damaging to your health. There just isn't a magic pill.

Years ago, there was a weight loss product called Aydes. You know where I'm going with this, and I swear it's true. After the disease got it's name, the diet company went belly-up.

How could you have a diet plan called Aydes after a horrific disease sounds exactly like your product? Can you imagine being the CEO of that company when he first heard about the disease? WHY AIDS?!?! Seriously, that was the ONLY NAME AVAILABLE?!? I think that guy probably wound up in the looney bin.

A healthy diet and exercise is the best way to get into shape. We all know that. The problem is that even when I get in shape, I'll still be technically obese. Ugh.

See you tomorrow.

Check out my book, "The Twisted Musings of a Comedian" at Amazon.com or click here! Now available for Kindle!

Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter!

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott

Holiday Hunger

I hate diets. I'm on one now. Actually, I'm on two, you can't seem to eat enough on one.

It is so tough to maintain your weight through the holidays. There seems to be food at every turn. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin cookies, sugar cookies, fudge, candy, cakes, pies... the list is seemingly endless.

If you work in an office, you know someone will be bringing a treat of some kind in. It just happens. Always has, always will.

People are either happy or miserable this time of year. Either way, we eat  boatloads (metric system) of food that are loaded with calories. Most people ignore the scale until they sober up on New Years day.

During this season, I weigh myself every morning. It helps keep me in check. If I gain a pound, I take it easy on the groceries that day. I'll still have some treats, but in moderation. Right now, there's a slice of red velvet cheese cake in the fridge with my name all over it.

I've worked too hard through the year to gain it all back in two months, so I avoid the treats during the week, and do what I want during the weekend. That seems to work for me.

How about you? Do you have a system? Do you struggle? I'd love to hear about it. Just leave a comment below.

I'm going to sign off now. That cheesecake isn't going to eat itself.

See you tomorrow.