Viagra for women

Scientists are trying to create a Viagra for women. It’s already done, and has been around for years. It's called ‘cash'.

If you're a woman, and you're now angry, you're not the type of person I'm referring to. Always remember that I am a comedian. My job is to get you to read this, and here you are.

I've dated my share of "gold diggers". Women who thought they would become rich, famous or both. I ended up with a reputation of being a jerk, player, whatever you want to call it. It wasn't true. I was just brutally honest, right from the start.

When someone wanted to go out, I would say, "Sure. I'll meet you there and we'll need to talk first." When we sat down, I would explain that I wasn't going to get serious with anyone and if they wanted to go out, that would be great, but the minute I had the feeling that she was getting serious, I would stop seeing them. Honest.

Little did I know that so many women considered that a challenge. So, I broke up with some, others with me, because they thought I was being mean. I was just being honest; following through on what I promised.

I remember going out with one woman I dated was a complete gold digger. I told my business partner, who handled the finances, that he didn't need to pay my electronic bill because I was moving, and my deposit would cover it.

My girlfriend said, "Oh my God, you had to pay a deposit? Why?"  I told her "Because I've been divorced twice, and my credit stinks." She said, "That's horrible!"  I then told her, "Don't worry, my credit report will NEVER impact you, EVER."  She started crying, and said "You're so mean!"

I wasn't mean, just honest. Some people can't handle that. That's not my fault. I warned them way ahead of time, so I never felt bad breaking things off. I did have empathy, but not sympathy. They should have known it was coming.

Finally, I moved away because I could no longer perceive who cared about me, or had other selfish motives. My true friends tracked me down and are still great friends to this day.

To be fair, there are men who also get into superficial relationships for self serving motives, and that's just as bad, maybe worse.

Let's just be honest with each other from the beginning, and life will be so much better.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go into hiding.

See you tomorrow.