Lance Armstrong

I can tell this is going to be a better year. I already have as many tour de France victories as Lance Armstrong.

I think it's good that he was stripped of his victories. He is not only a cheater, but a bully, as well. He's only apologizing because he was caught, and there was nothing left for him to do.
If there's one thing I've learned through all of this, it's to never trust anyone who does lots of charity work. I'm kidding, of course, but I wonder if it just made it easier to sleep at night.

Other than being tied for the most victories, I have something else in common with Armstrong. One of my twins decided to leave home unexpectedly. Ouch. That doesn't even begin to describe the pain, as you might imagine.

Yeah, I was juicing. Orange. Every day. I awoke on a Saturday morning about 4, in excruciating pain. I thought it was just a urinary tract infections, so I waited until noon to see my doctor, who, fortunately works Saturdays.

He also thought it was a UTI, as we call it in the biz,  but just to be on the safe side, he sent me to the hospital for a sonogram. It was a female technician, so no eye contact was made. The next thing I knew, I was being wheeled into the OR, with my wife yelling in the background, "Don't worry, Honey, I'll still love you, even if you're half of a man."  It was actually quite funny.

They did everything they could, but weren't able to save the guy. Nuts! Looking back, however, I ended up having a ball. At least I didn't do it to myself, like Armstrong did. I took no steroids, especially not the anaBALLic kind. Ironic, isn't it?

Before anyone gets mad, I raise hundreds of dollars every year to the Huntsman Cancer Foundation. I'm a twisted comedian, and this is how I vent.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must make more juice.

Runners

The only way I would run 26.2 miles is if clown with a bloody knife was chasing me.

I just started running as a means to relieve stress, lose weight and gain strength. The stress and strength part is working. Peanut M&Ms are keeping the weight from coming off. I'm only training for a 5K,and then we'll see where that takes me. 

Most runners, I think are basically crazy. But they all have reasons for running. Some run to relieve stress, others just had fun doing it, while others are completely addicted to it.

There is an amazing group of people that I know, who run for others who can't run for themselves. These people makeup the Hometown Heroes. This amazing group of people train for events that vary from 5K runs to Marathons, and more.

They train for months at a time, in Utah, beginning in November. They brave the elements; freezing temperatures, snow, ice, etc.; so they can raise money for The Huntsman Cancer Foundation.

These selfless people work very hard for various reasons. Some are cancer survivors, others have lost loved ones to this horrid disease, while others deeply believe in the cause.

The Heroes raise hundreds of thousands of dollars each year to fight cancer, and it's not through pledges based on how many miles they run. Between runs, they seek donations any way they can. They are dedicated!

Led by Elfi Ortenburger and assisted by Rick Ortenburger, her husband, Elfi never asks for or receives a dime for her endless work training new and experienced runners, planning the training routes and distances for each, not to mention running and fundraising too.

The Ortenburgers are great friends, and great people, as well. You can help this great cause by either running or volunteering to help out, if you live in Utah, or by donating through the organization, wherever you are.

Go to their website: http://www.huntsmancancer.org/giving/huntsman-cancer-foundation/events/huntsman-hometown-heroes and see how you can help. 

We've all been touched by cancer, now you can help in the effort to wipe it out! 

Oh, but I'm serious about the clown.

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