Buying for your wife - yikes!

I'm your typical guy, which means I screw up every Christmas. Among other wrong items, I bought her a complete car detail. Bad move. I might just as well given her a chainsaw.

I think the problem is that I just don't listen intently enough. Most guys don't, and that's my problem. I've heard her say she would live to have her car completely detailed, so it looks new. I nailed it! Or so I thought.

She also needed a watch. I know Fossil makes a good one, so I got her one similar to the one I got her last time, with a different look. I heard two things: how much she loved the Bullova I gave her last time, and that she wanted something bigger and funkier. I'm not good with funkier, so I went the more conservative direction. Bad move.

I'm not criticizing my wife. She nailed it for me, as always. She really listens. She's awesome at it. I'm not. I need to be. I need help. I know I have a large female audience, and I need a volunteer to help me out. Bounce ideas off of before I screw things up again.

Her birthday is coming up in a month,  then our 15th wedding anniversary, then Valentine's day a week later. Help!

I suffer from seizures. Last night,  after working up the courage to talk to me about it, something I a admired because I know how difficult it had to be for her and it was the right thing to do. The problem is that soon after, I took a seizure related backdrop on the kitchen floor.

Please, I need a female volunteer that she doesn't know to help me. That chainsaw is looking pretty good right now... volunteers?

See you tomorrow.

It's December!

I think Santa Claus is better than Bigfoot. They're both hairy, have never been seen, but Santa brings gifts and eats cookies. Bigfoot doesn't do that. 

As was the scene again this year, on black Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, depending on the store, we get to see the greediness that is such a tell tale sign that something has gone terribly wrong with the way we prepare to celebrate Christmas. A local Wal-Mart made national news because two women were trampled by people who were so overcome by greed, they had no concern for the well being of others. 

The irony was that every person who was in the store for the first hour, was guaranteed to get the item that drove these people to their madness. In addition, Wal-Mart's on line store had the very same item, at the same price. 

I think too many of us go way too far with gift giving. I like to open gifts as much as the next guy, but I think it's no wonder that so many of us grow up thinking it's all about shopping, giving and receiving.

I think giving gifts to the children is a no brainer, as long as it's not too much. It isn't about presents. Its about getting together with friends and family, the ones that you actually like.

I hate gatherings on Christmas Day,  just so people can show off what they "got". I don't think it's their fault. They were raised that way. I just don't like it. Never have. 

I love holiday traditions. My wife and I,  on Christmas Eve, go to one of our favorite restaurants, go home and do some wrapping. All the while, with "A Christmas Story" playing on TV. Then, its off to 7-11, to buy some hot dogs.

Really? Hot dogs? 13 years ago, I didn't get off work in time to go to a restaurant, and the local 7-11 was the only place open, so our dinner consisted of hot dogs. So, since that day, we always get 7-11 hot dogs for a late snack. Then, we each open what we both know will be pajama bottoms.

Since our children and grandchildren are scattered around the country, I love to talk with them, as well as with my Mother. That makes my Christmas. I need nothing else. 

We always get one gift for each of the grandchildren, send money to the kids and wait for the pictures of thellittle ones playing with their toys. Really, is there anything better than the look of surprise and the genuine happiness you see on a child's face when theyoopen their presents? 

I think, in the spirit of giving thanks for what we're really celebrating, the birth of The Christ, it would be a great tradition to give a needy family either a full Christmas dinner or gifts for the kids. How great would that be?

Let us realize that Christmas is all about people, and so little about presents.

Merry Christmas to you all!

See you tomorrow. 

My new book, The Twisted Musings of a Comedian II, will be available on Amazon.com just in time for Christmas! 

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