My Friend, the Tree!

Its often said that a person who has a tree for a friend will never want. Well, something like that. Um, actually no one said it, but it sounds cool, huh?

Most of us love being surrounded by trees. There are so many varieties of trees, too. Pine, spruce, aspen, Christmas... I love them all. They're beautiful, provide shade, and are excellent shelter during a lightening storm. I know that, because I've ducked under one eight times now and I've only been hit by lighting twice.

The Geico tree creeps me out. In fact, ANY talking tree gives me the heebie jeebies. I'm not even sure what that means, but I just didn't want to write creepy again. I've been told not to use the same word twice in the same sentence.

In the Wizard of Oz, everyone talks about the flying monkeys or the wicked witch of the west scaring them. Not me. It was definitely the talking trees. Let's face it, we've all seen a flying monkey or a wicked witch. That's easy. But a talking tree? I've only seen two of those, and only one told me to do something bad.

Now onions? That's a whole nother story. People don't know that they talk. I do. In fact, the reason they make you cry has nothing to do with how they are molecular structured. They are ever so quietly begging for their lives as you are cutting them. This subliminal message is so sad, it makes you cry.

Did we learn nothing from "Horton Hears a Who?" My rule is, eat nothing that is living. Eat only dead stuff. Things like lumber, dead weeds and cows. Eating things while they're alive is not only very cruel, it can kill you. My late cousin tried to eat a living horse once. One attempted bite - goodbye cousin. He never did that again.

I'm just suggesting that you should never hold a bullfrog that has warts on the day before your wedding. It's just not smart. You'll have to be the one wearing gloves, and your bride might think you're trying to upstage her and call the whole thing off. You'll end up being a lonely hermit just because you couldn't keep your hands off of a bullfrog.

See you tomorrow.

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