Planet of the Apes!

We saw "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" yesterday. Good movie, but I'm kind of tired of the ape thing. How about "Rise of the Planet of the Men", where we refuse to hold our woman's purse while she tries on clothes? Now, there's your flick.

Try stand up comedy! Get the book everyone is talking about!

Come on, now. Enough with the talking animals. "Francis, the Talking Mule", "Mr. Ed", "Dr. Doolittle" a couple of times. How about a film about people we can't understand?

Keifer Sutherland, in 24, would be a great one. Don't get me wrong, Jack Bauer is the baddest dude around, but he always whispers and doesn't move his lips so I can't figure out what he's saying.

So I have to turn the volume way up to hear him, and at that very second there's an explosion and I have to pause it to go and change my skivies. Speak up!

Its the same with David Duchovny on the X-Files. We watch it on Netflix and I have to do the same thing. Suddenly the music blasts, a victim screams or Skinner starts yelling at Mulder and back I go upstairs.

Might as well create a show with only Scottish people in it. I can't understand a word they say. They are wonderful people, and when they have a deep Scottish accent, forget it. I can barely understand Sean Connery and Craig Ferguson.

Might as well throw Sylvester Stallone, Mike Tyson and Former Denver Broncos player, Shannon Sharp in the mix. Oh, and that former beauty pageant contestant, too. And me. When I'm really sick I don't speak loud or clearly enough, which can be very annoying to my wife.

To appease her anger, I hold her purse while she shops. I'm doomed unless we men rise up and risk incurring the wrath of our women!! Who am I kidding? Never gonna happen.

See you tomorrow.

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