Marriage

They say that "love means never having to say you're sorry". If that's the case, I must not be in love with my wife.

I just googled "what do women REALLY want?" My computer exploded.

Trying to figure out what women really want is impossible. And I mean crazy impossible. The rules change constantly. Men are all about fixing things. We hear the problem and immediately come up with a fix. The next thing we hear is "Can you just listen to me?!" Oops, I guessed wrong. I'm sorry. We listen.

The next time, we listen. Then it's like "Don't you want to help me?!"  I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to listen. "You can't tell the difference?"  Honestly, no. At least I can't. It's a crap shoot, at best. None of our reactions are going to be right because the anger or frustration is now channeled to us. We're the guilty party, no matter what.

It doesn't even help to ask, "Do you want me to just listen, or help you solve the problem?"  She'll say something like "You mean, after all this time, you can't tell?!"  I'm sorry. We don't get it, and never will. How can we? We know how to play games, and we play to win. How can we play to win? We know the rules and boundaries and develop strategies based on all of that.

With our ladies, we have none of those. That pretty much leaves guessing, which we never can get right. We don't do well when the rules are constantly changing. We like sports. Football, soccer, baseball, golf... Why? Because we know the rules! I don't watch hockey because I don't have a clue what's going on. Women are like hockey players, except they're better looking and have their front teeth.

I think men and women should come with instruction manuals. The men's manual would be one page. We're really simple. The women's manual would be as thick as a Clancy novel. We love ya, but you're very complicated. You'll dream something bad and take your aggression out on us. We don't understand that. Never will. We had nothing to do with that dream, but again, the channeling process begins. I'm sorry for what happened in your dream. Clearly, I'm the guilty party.

We never know who we're waking up to, who we're coming home to. Just give us a hint, and tell us what we're supposed to do to make you feel better. Please, for all that is good and holy, tell us.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go downstairs and meet the stranger.

See you tomorrow.

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