Cover your tomatoes!

Why do weather people always tell you what to do? "It's 28° out there, so be sure to bundle up!" Really? I'm glad I watched the news. I was going to wear my speedo.

They just can't help themselves. Its like they are our Moms. "Its snowing out on the roadways, so be sure to give yourself a little extra time". Thanks, weather person, I would never have thought it might take a little longer to get to work in a blizzard. Besides, weather and freeway accidents are the only time you get a pass for being late for work. Why would I pass that up?

Its not like I'll get to work late on a bad weather day and the boss will say, "I don't care what the weather is like! Susie Tsunami told us all to take extra time"! Other news people don't often do that.  Can you imagine an anchor person saying, "The convenience store was robbed at just about 11 o'clock last night, and the crook got away, so be sure to rob these types of stores late at night, just to be on the safe side. Also, it took the police only eight minutes to get there so try to get in and out quickly".

Or how about a bank teller saying to you, as you leave the window, "Now, make sure you put that money in your pocket. Crooks will steal it from you if you carry it around in your hand. And its a little breezy and chilly out there today, so be sure to bundle up".

How about a priest, upon hearing your confession, saying, "Do four Hail Mary's and try not to do that again. But, just in case, you might consider wearing as little clothing as possible, because it might be pretty hot where you're going".

Or maybe the grocery store clerk saying, "You should go get two more of these soda cases because they're on sale if you buy more than one". "Really? I must have missed the giant sign on the 50' display over there". Or the clerk saying, "You know, with the holidays quickly approaching, you might want to pick up some diet pills in the pharmacy".

Or, my favorite - which obviously doesn't happen, a Wal-Mart cashier saying, "You know, there's a website called" The People of Wal-Mart. Next time you come in, you might consider color coordinating, and in something other than jammies or skin tight clothing that might fit a fourth grader". Now that, I could support.

See you tomorrow.

My new book, "The Twisted Musings of a Comedian II", will be available on Amazon.com just in time for Christmas!

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Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
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