I Need Therapy!

I'm convinced that marriage counseling is a scam. If your wife tells you she thinks you need marriage counseling, save the money, pay the attorney, it's over.

I've had therapists tell me that marriage counseling really doesn't work, which makes me wonder why they're in the business in the first place. It's really for the women, I think. Most men are very adaptable. Women love to change their men.

For ladies, the relationship must continue to evolve. Men are usually happy with the way things are. We should get clues while dating when she says "We need to take the relationship to the next level". Next level? What the heck does that mean? It means that unless the man ends things right then and there, he's in serious trouble.

If he allows things to go to the next level, he's done. Put a fork in him. She's now in complete control and will be for the rest of their lives or until the divorce, which ever comes first. We can't forget the divorce rate is more than 50% for a reason.

This may sound sexist, but I have found it to be true in my relationships. We make the mistake of thinking that she looks at us the way that we look at us. It's just not true. Women look at us as soft, moldable clay. "I can build him, I can shape him, I can mold him"! They even get their mothers involved. "Mother, help me make my man"!

They then begin the process. They start buying you clothes, telling you they were at the store, thinking of you and thought this would look good on you. We have no idea that she went to the store to buy you what she wants you to wear because now, in her eyes, you have become an extension of her. People, meaning other women she knows, will judge her by what you wear. I know! It's messed up.

Soon after marriage, your older favorite clothing disappears, just a little at a time so we won't notice. We're like the bullfrog sitting in the pot in cold water. We just sit there and let the water get hot enough, slowly, until it's too late. If you try to put a bullfrog in really hot water, they'll immediately jump away. It must be subtle. 

I've been married for fifteen years. Coincidentally, I haven't purchased one article of clothing in 15 years. What does a man want for Christmas, birthdays and father's day? Electronics! The latest and greatest! What does he get? Clothes. The training never ends.

They'll train you to put the toilet seat down so that in the middle of the night, when she has to tinkle, she won't fall in. This makes no sense to me because a long time ago, they put these little rectangular things on the wall called "light switches". So, if you're going to go to the bathroom in the dark, you get what you get. You won't let us go in the dark. We can't even hit the bowl in broad daylight, we all know that.

See you tomorrow.

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