I'm Trapped in a Cemetery!!

This Just In: A small, single seat Cessna airplane crashed into a cemetery in Kentucky. The pilot was not hurt, but police have found 92 bodies so far. They will resume their search today.

I don't know why Kentucky is such an easy target. The state seems to be a magnet for Southern ridicule, which is really silly, because I have found the people of the South quite brilliant and very hospitable.

Maybe it's the mountain folk who give everyone else a bad rap. You know, the jokes about family reunions, marrying your sister or cousin, or how the family tree goes straight up and then right back down into it's self, the best pick-up line being, "Hey is your tooth real?"; that sort of thing.

I suppose I should be offended by these jokes because two of my children and their families live in the South. My daughter, Sarah, and her family live in the Atlanta area and my son, Eric, and his family live in Mississippi. My other daughter, Cecilee, lives in the Seattle area and loves it.

So, including the grandchildren, ten of eleven live in the South. Not only that, but when we finally move, it will be in the South, so we can finally be closer to them.

Some people think a southern drawl makes a person sound ignorant, but I find it charming. It's kind of soothing to me. I should probably find a dentist who has migrated here from a southern state. That way, when I have to have a root canal, he or she will say, "See here? All of these boys are just fine, but see that one there? Well, it's just got to have a little attitude adjustment."

An attitude adjustment sounds so much better than a root canal, doesn't it? Or I might go with a southern shrink. Instead of telling me flat out that I'm nuts, he or she could say something like, "Boy, you're nuttier than my Mama's pecan pie." I like pecan pie, so I probably wouldn't mind that.

How about a southern IRS auditor? That could be cool. What's more stressful than that? Instead of saying to me, "Mr. Mabbott, we think you took some liberties with the tax laws. Now, let's dig in and find out how much you owe us.", it could go like, "Now, Jerry, relax. This is gonna be just like a poker game. By the end of it, you'll either have some of our money, or we'll have all of yours."

Much better.

See you tomorrow.

Check out my books by clicking here!

#runevanin

Connect with me on:

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott