Men Versus Women!

My wife gave me a book to me read to enhance our marriage. "Women are from Venus, Men are just wrong."

Its obvious that there are huge differences between men and women, but I'm certain there are many that have not yet been discussed. Men know that we are supposed to lie when our wife or girlfriend asks us how they look in an outfit. That's well known.

What is not so well known is that when you ask us to choose between two outfits, we know you'll choose the other one, so we'll often choose the one that we don't want you to wear so you'll end up wearing the one we want.

Who am I kidding? We really don't care what you wear as long as you're ready on time. I know it takes me roughly 35 minutes to get ready for any occasion, so I hit the shower with 35 minutes to go. I know which clothes I'm going to wear, wife approved, of course. 35 minutes later, I'm good to go.

Then what do I do? I play games on my phone for another half hour while she finishes getting ready. That's when the notorious questions come up that could very well dictate the tone of the rest of the evening. "Which dress goes best with these shoes?" "I don't know, the black ones?" "What are you, nuts? The black ones don't go with this dress at all!" Then she mumbles idiot as she goes back upstairs.

Then it's "How does my hair look?" I just say, "Honey, if you don't get a move on, we're going to be very late and we might just as well stay home!" Then out loud I say, "Sweetheart, your going to be the bell of the ball."

I think you can sum up the differences between men and women in a relationship by using computers as an example. Men are full of data, with no clue what to do with it. Women can only be understood by their creator and can crash at a moments notice.

Still, 50% of married folks learn how to balance things out and stay together. I think its usually the man who figures out how to feign listening, tell her she looks beautiful in anything she wears, be much more discreet about checking out other women when you're out with her.

Don't send her flowers at home, only at work so her coworkers will get jealous. Those flowers will have a much longer shelf life for good deeds than sending them to the house. In fact, I've seen women actually get mad at their husband or boyfriend when flowers arrive at home. I refer back to the computer reference.

I need to go now, because if my wife reads this, not even flower at work are going to help me. Fortunately, we have a comfortable sofa.

See you tomorrow.

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