Survive This!

On Survivor, each contestant is allowed to bring one item with them. I think I would bring Les Stroud, Survivor Man.

Survivor is one of my favorite TV shows. Each season is different enough to keep it fresh, which keeps me and other viewers coming back for more.

I would never be able to finish the show, If I were a contestant, because I'm pretty sure I would kill somebody. I really mean it. I would snap and take out the whiner in the tribe. There's always one that drives everyone crazy and the tribe will not vote the person off because they all want to take the person with them to the final three, thinking the jury would never vote for them.

It seems like the casting person for the show specifically searches for personality types that will not mesh. There are the ruthless people who would stab their own mother in the back in order to try to win. That actually happened last season when family members competed.

There are fierce physical competitors, shy people who never want to mislead anyone. That changes as the game progresses, however, when they realize they have been lied to. I love to see the transformation, because that's when people begin to get blind sided, which is the most fun for me to see.

There are knuckleheads who get voted off even though they hold a hidden immunity idol. They get too cocky and think they have control of the game, then Bam!, they're gone. The game is all about three things. Outplay, outwit and outlast the other contestants.

I auditioned for a couple of shows in my 20's. I sang a song in my attempt to get on "The Gong Show", where a mixture of really good and horrible talent would perform. There were three judges who would either let the perform their entire song, dance... Whatever or they would hit the gong and the performance would end.

In the end, the contestant with the most points awarded by the judges would win a ridiculous cheap prize. I didn't get on the show because they said I wasn't good enough to win or bad enough to get bonged. They wanted one or the other.

The show was hosted by the zany Chuck Barris, who was also the creator and producer. They tried to find a host who would fit the show's wacky nature, and when they couldn't, Barris took on the role. Frankly, without him, the show would have been gonged by the network.

Ironically, the other show was called "Make Me Laugh", where a contestant would sit in a chair while professional comedians would tell jokes to them, one comedian at a time, and if the contestant didn't laugh or smile in 90 seconds, they would win some money.

I did get a call back from the producer, Dick McGregor, letting me know that they wanted me as a contestant and I would tape the show that Friday. I was very excited until Thursday, when he called me back and said they had changed the criteria for the "ideal contestant", and I didn't fit the mold.

I was disappointed, but that's show biz. I find it ironic that I didn't become a comedian until 10 years later. The funniest bit I saw during my audition was when one of the comedians brought me a piece of paper and told me that one of the things he loved about show business was meeting celebrities.

He said that the piece of paper had the autograph of one of his favorites. I opened the paper, and a signature was only half there, as if written partially on the paper and the rest on the surface where the signature was made. The signature? Ray Charles. Killed me.

I didn't audition for another game show after that, but they were fun experiences, to be sure. Since I have multiple personalities, I'm seriously considering trying out for "The Amazing Race" by myself. Now that would be great television.

See you tomorrow.

Check out my books at Amazon.com or click here.

Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter!

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott