Crazy Sports!

Fishing shows fascinate me. At least they practice catch and release. It doesn't work for hunting...

Bullwinkle: "Hey Rocky! Watch me pull this bullet out of my brain."
Rocky: "Oh, Bullwinkle, that trick never works!"

I did it! The world's first impression on a typed page! What do you think? I thought it was spot on. I think I could do most any impression this way. I digress.

I know guys who are so into fishing that they have one of those toys you can use sitting on the couch while pretending to fish. And they have a computer game too. I always ask them, "So does your wife pretend to cook them later, too?"

Come on, they say fishing is a sport, but I don't think so. Every real sport I see on television have real announcers. On fishing shows, they have to do it themselves. "Well, it's a beautiful day out here on Lake Cuchahumi." "It sure is. People don't realize that I've been fishing Cuchahumi since I was four years old. So I think that gives me the home lake advantage."

I think it would be funny to have real announcers out there in another boat." And now it's Billy Joe Bimbob's time up. He's got a mean snap on the end of the line." That's right, John, and it will be interesting to see if he casts from the side. Sometimes he likes to cast from the side, after that rotator cuff surgery."

And then there's bowling, where they have real announcers. They even use the yellow highlighters like they do in football. "Let's watch it in slow motion. See, he slipped, right there and crossed the foul line." Are you kidding me? These people have to wear their own name on the front of their shirts. They don't even know who they are! Nobody ever admits to watching bowling on tv.

That's not the same with golf. It's more sophisticated, so people readily admit to watching golf on television. Here's my question. Why do the announcers always whisper? Some say it's etiquette. I say no. They whisper because they don't want to wake you up! Booooooring. Seriously, how hard can it be? You hit the ball and get in a car!

I think I'll stick with american football, where it's really barbaric. Especially the announcers. They're the most barbaric. I remember watching the playoffs last year when a poor guy on the San Francisco 49ers had his leg snapped like a twig. The announcer said, "Oh you never want to see a guy get hurt like that. You never want to see that happen. Let's watch it again in slow motion. Hey, let's look at the reverse angle!"

I love watching sports on television, but let's decide what is or is not an actual sport and stop showing players getting hurt again and again. Or, we could play The Hunger Games...

See you tomorrow.

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