Pranks

Once, just after my boss had his review and got a nice raise, the department secretary and I took the form, before it was submitted and made a new one, cutting his previous salary. Funny? Oh yeah. Smart? Not so much.

Most pranks are harmless and not very creative. Old pranks, like putting dog poop in a paper bag, putting it on someone's porch and lighting it on fire are still funny, but not very creative.

I have pulled some incredibly creative practical jokes in my time, without getting fired. The review gag was as close as I came. I'll give you the highlights. While working in a jewelry store, I put one baby carrot in an empty ring setting, and put it in the case with one carat rings. The customers thought it was hilarious, but the guy trying to sell them a ring didn't.

The same guy used to put every diamond ring under the gem scope, a large magnifying glass, during his selling process. He would remove his glasses and put his eye down firmly on the eye piece. Then he would have the customer look as well. Naturally, I put black shoe polish on the eye piece one day. The guy was so serious, so when he lifted his head to talk to the customers, they lost it. They were laughing so hard. They bought the ring. That guy was livid.

I once took a random name and address from the phone book and wrote it down. I then called a local car dealership and ordered a very expensive car using the random guy's name. I told him to call my house when it arrived. He said it would be there on Friday.

So, on Friday, I called the home, and the guy's wife answered the phone. I used the actual salesperson's name and told her that her husband's new car was in and to let him know he should come down and process the purchase. The woman said that I had called the wrong house. I read the name and address from the phone book and convinced her. She yelled at me to cancel the order immediately, and that her husband was in big trouble. I hung up knowing that anyway the poor guy tried to prove his innocence, all bases were covered. This was before call waiting. I hope the marriage survived.

I know. It was horrible, but very funny and foolproof. Another time, after my boss had pulled quite a few pranks on me, one which was very elaborate, I decided to get him good. We were trainers for Circuit City, and we had a graduation ceremony with about 300 people, and the executive team from the Richmond, Virginia corporate office.

Several weeks prior, I was sitting in my boss's office and a woman from the Environmental Protection Agency called him. He had just moved from Baltimore, and she told him that he had failed to have his furniture inspected for the gypsy moth, a moth which was wreaking havoc on crops in California.

He thought it was a joke, and that I was behind it. He gave the woman a very hard time, laughing the entire time, while winking at me and afterward telling me that I couldn't get him that easily.

Now, he was a cop at one point, so the prank had to be perfect. I was going to have him arrested, at the graduation ceremony, in front of everyone. I talked to two police officers I knew and asked them to do it. They were hesitant because they would have to create a phony warrant. I offered them $150 plus lunch at the hotel and the gig was on.

It was flawless. They served the warrant, took him right off of the stage, read him his rights as they cuffed him and arrested him for violation of EPA regulations. It was beautiful. I took the stage. The guy told me to find out where they were taking him, and to bail him out. You could have heard a pin drop in that huge hotel ballroom when I told him it was a joke.

He was really angry, but the executives were so impressed with the prank, they reimbursed me for the $150. It was awesome.

See you tomorrow.

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