Pets

Most animals get funnier when you shave them. Not lions. I don't recommend it.

Domesticated animals are great. Dogs, cats, ferrets. Even those critters in the reptilian world, like lizards, geckos and the like. Some folks like to have snakes as pets. All kinds of snakes. I don't mind that as long as they're not poisonous. There was a news piece recently about a guy who had like 30 venomous snakes as "pets". I know, snakes are people, too, it's just that, well, they're snakes!

If you have 30 venomous snakes in your apartment, you can pretty much guarantee living the life of a hermit. Who would come over? If the guy called me and said,  "Hey, Jer, I'd like to have you over for dinner". Would I be eating dinner or be dinner? Why take the chance? "Um, no thanks, I already ate". I would have to drop the guy as a friend.

It's not just guys, either. I dated a crazy woman (not just one) who had three pet snakes. Freaked me out. They were huge. Pythons and boa constructors. She told me they were harmless, but I saw "Anaconda". You can't turn your back on them. She even put the boa constrictor around my neck. I said, "Don't these snakes squeeze the life out of their prey before consumption"? Get it off of my neck!

She said I was being a baby, and that was probably true, but I left that night being a living baby and counted my blessings. I wouldn't have gone back, except she was hot and made a mean lasagna. I didn't let her take the snakes out again while I was there.

There are so many great pets to have. How about a monkey? Rats? Hamsters? Even Hilo Monsters, although I must admit, I would most likely avoid any pet with the word monster in it. That's just asking for trouble. No one should have a kimono dragon as a pet. They can kill you very quickly.

How about a bunny? Rescuing an animal that has been mistreated? A crazy person who is harmless? Or better yet, a bird. There are so many varieties. I love parrots that can talk and sing. I know that some people don't want pets that will outlive them, but I think it would be cool. The parrot could give my eulogy and a solo at my memorial service. That would be cool.

See you tomorrow.

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