t's weird going to the movies by yourself. People stare and sometimes even yell rude things. I think I should start wearing pants.
Seriously, people do find it strange to see someone at a movie, alone. They feel sorry for the person, like they have no friends or family. That is so presumptuous. There could be many reasons a person might be there alone.
1. He or she might be a serial killer, hiding out.
2. They might be hiding from their spouse.
3. Perhaps they're ditching work.
There are plenty of reasons someone might be there alone. There was a time when I was that guy. I had discovered that I didn't like myself. That is a rude awakening, my friends. I didn't know what to do. I moved, quite suddenly, to San Luis Obispo, where my younger brother and his wife lived.
I got a small furnished apartment near the college, and became horribly depressed. The depression lasted for a few months and then I began my quest to find out more about me, to see if I was likeable to myself.
Before I moved, I had achieved a level of fame in Orange County, California. I wasn't a household name, mind you, but I had commercials on television, a production company, I was in the newspaper a lot, did tons of comedy and improv shows, you get the idea.
As a result, I was always surrounded by people who were very nice to me. At one point, it occurred to me that I could not discern who my true friends were, versus those who thought I could help make them famous. I remember the night it hit me rather hard. I was sitting on the front porch of my roommate's condo, weeping.
My roommate, who is still like a brother to me, came out and asked me what was going on. "I hate my life.", I told him. He was stunned. He reminded me of who I was and because of that, I could date who I wanted and do what I wanted. I told him he didn't understand. I moved, almost immediately, to begin my hellish journey of self awareness.
I went to movies alone. I dined alone. Nearly everything I did, I did alone. My brother and his wife were very good to me, but I mostly saw them on Sundays. I started dating someone, but I realized I was still trying to fill a void that a girlfriend could not fill. I ran out of money at one point and didn't eat anything for six days.
I'm not complaining. When you're an abused kid, it takes a lot of self awareness and therapy to get through it and become a person that you like. Going through that time allowed me to be comfortable doing things on my own, which proved to be critical now, because I spend most of my time alone.
I have 3 wonderful children and their families, which feels great, siblings that I love very much and a good relationship with my creator, all extremely fulfilling. I also have been married to my wife for 15 years. We still struggle, as many couples do, but we work on it.
In the end, for me, being more comfortable being me is essential. If I didn't like myself, I don't even want to think about the end result. I'm a happy guy these days and it's not because someone makes me happy. I'm happy because I choose to be.
I hope this is helpful to you that struggle with similar issues.
See you tomorrow.
