Kidney Stones

I think if you have kidney stones, it would be cool if you could throw them at people you don't like.

Let's face it. There's nothing pleasant about kidney stones. Nothing. That's why I think you ought to be able to throw them, choosing your target.

My sister has had many of them. At one point, they blew them up inside her. I think they made her swallow a hand grenade or something. I don't know, I'm not a doctor.

Fortunately, her doctor was able to analyze the contents of the stones, so she knows what food and drink to avoid. I think she should stop swallowing rocks.

I had a kidney stone once. That's enough. The pain was amazingly intense. These things are cruel, too. As they move through the very small urethra tube, they actually tear tissue as they move. Obviously, that's where the pain comes from.

Sometimes they just stop moving, and the pain stops. Ahhh, sweet relief. It's over! I know! It's false hope. It starts moving again and there's that evil pain again. It hurts horribly in your back as it moves out of the kidney. Pain killers are the only thing you can use to relieve the incredible pain.

The stones are shaped like sharp, spiked asteroids. I know when I had mine, I attempted to contact Bruce Willis, to no avail. And then it passes. That, as you might imagine, is excruciating. You just wait to see the white light and very old relatives. No such luck. You just have to go through it. Like the old west. You drink hard liquor and bite down on a small piece of wood. May you never have one.

See you tomorrow.