Mothers Day

In honor of this day, I will clean the dust from my mother board.

First off, to all of you jerks who do nothing for your wife on the day set aside to honor mothers, who bore your children, by saying, "You're not my mom", you are idiots, who deserve nothing yourselves for birthdays or Christmas. After all, she didn't give birth to you, right? Were you there when The Christ was born?

Today, I will not only give my wife breakfast in bed, but I'm also taking her and her parents for a nice brunch. I will call my mom, who lives in another state, my first wife, who mothered two of my children, my second wife, who bore my third child, my daughter and my daughter in law. I wish I could call my grandmother's, but the world has turned too many times.

Good mothers deserve to be pampered today. If you don't appreciate the fact that your wife is the mother of your children by honoring her today, you are an absolute jerk.

Step mothers should be honored as well. It Is very difficult to "step" into that role. Oftentimes, she is stepping into a mess that she didn't cause, but must help repair. Honor her.

If you know of deserving single moms, honor them with a call to let them know they are appreciated.

Motherhood is something we men know very little about. I have no idea how it must be to have a child growing inside my body for nine months, let alone the hormone changes. I am very grateful for those who do it, and I honor you all.

If you mistreated your children, you should be thankful if they honor you at all, today.

So, here's to all of the Mothers and Step Mothers who deserve to be honored today. May God pour out blessings upon you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of phone calls to make!

See you tomorrow.