Road Warrior

I learned the hard way that there are certain things not to say to law enforcement, in any country, when they pull you over. "Aren't you the guy from the village people?"

I used to travel like a mad man. Seriously. I once traveled from western Canada to Quebec, then to France and the UK, then across the USA,  five times in a year and a half. No kidding. Insane.
I loved meeting all of the people; the customs, the food and I made some very good friends along the way.

I must say, however, one of the most interesting places, was Montreal. What a beautiful, historic city. In fact, I was there the night they celebrated their. 350th year as a city. It was crazy. There were two MILLION of us in the streets that night. I couldn't move an inch for four hours. Nuts, but I'm glad I was there.

There were some events I could have done without, however. First off, their not happy to be Canadian. They want to secede from the country and become their own. They speak mostly French, albeit not exactly the same language you find in France.

They are not particularly fond of westerners. If they don't like Canadian westerners, imagine how they feel about United States westerners..

My first trip there, I stopped at a pizza joint. While waiting in line, I knew I was in trouble because no one was speaking English. Now I'm not the typical American tourist who becomes angry because the entire world doesn't speak their language. You'd be amazed by the number of times I witnessed it.

When it was my turn to order, I pointed to the pizza I wanted. There, I thought, I've successfully ordered food, with no language barrier issue. Then the server said," Voulez-vous des frites françaises sur elle?" Uh, I muttered intelligently, then "Oui", which was the only French word I knew.

I watched him, then, smother my pizza in french fries. I smiled, paid and threw the pizza away. Lesson learned, or so I thought.

I had some wonderful experiences there, as well. I stayed at a beautiful resort north of Montreal, off of Lake Esterelle, who's name I most likely just butchered. It was a stunningly gorgeous landscape.

While at the resort, I met some great people, or so I was led to believe. We all gathered for dinner one night, and as I looked at the menu, I was proud. No longer a rookie. A road warrior, who had conquered the language. I proudly said " Une omelette au fromage, s'il vous plaît."; a cheese omelet, please.

The waitress brought the omelet and said " Voulez-vous le sirop sur elle?"  Uh oh. Now what? "Oui", I said, and she poured syrup all over it. I didn't eat it. I just wanted black coffee at that point, but didn't know how to ask for it. One of my table mates told me what to say. I repeated "Excuse me miss, votre grand-mère est très laid, mais j'ai couché avec elle de toute façon." She threw a glass of water in my face. As I walked away, my so called friends were still laughing hysterically.

I would later learn that I told the waitress, Excuse me miss, your grandmother is very ugly, but I slept with her anyway. Very nice.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must order a cheese omelet, at Dennys, across the street.

See you tomorrow.