Happy Birthday, Dad.

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 92. Unfortunately, he loved smoking more than anything else, and it finally caught up with him. It was bittersweet. The last two years of his life, I finally got to know him, and had a great time learning things about him that I never would have known. Dad did not have a good relationship with his kids. He really had no idea in fathering, and gave the impression that he wasn't interested in doing so.

I'd like to think it was a different time, and men didn't show attention or affection to their kids. I have since learned that was not the case. Men didn't spend as much time with the children, but they did take some time out of their day to have some fun with them, listen to problems and offer advice and attend important functions. I make no excuses for the man. I do remember, when I was very young, we would wrestle with him, and that was fun. The only fun I remember after that, was when we went camping for vacation. He loved it. Dad was like a completely different guy. All of life's pressures seemed to disappear  and he gave himself permission to have fun again. I get that now. I didn't then.

At home, he was an alcoholic and pretty abusive. We grew to love the time he was gone. Dad was a long haul truck driver, so he and his driving partner would be gone for almost a week, most times. As I got the chance to get to know him, I understood much of why he was who he was. I'm not condoning his behavior, because we all make choices, no matter what our childhood was like. I only wish he had shown us who he really was before his life ended.

I'm thankful that I finally got to know him before he passed. In fact, I held his hand until the bitter end. I loved the Dad I came to know. And I miss him.

Happy Birthday, Dad.