Multiple Marriages

I should have known my first marriage was over when I opened a Christmas present from my wife and it was luggage.

I live in a state where plural marriage is practiced by some. Whether I think it's right or not is not my topic. What is? I have my hands full with the one I have! How in the world could a handle two or three more?

Let's face it. Traditional marriage presents it's own challenges. Someone is too bossy, or controlling. Someone else cheats. Sometimes one of the partners can't or won't stop spending money, while others just don't like to spend time at home.

Some couples split because they can't agree on how the children should be raised. For others, its a religious affiliation. Things that should have been talked about before marriage, in pre-marital counseling. Yes, I think every couple should get counseling, prior to marriage.

In my act, I complain that marriage counseling doesn't work. That it's a scam. A rip off. A waste of time and money. I don't really mean it. It's a joke. While the truth is that too many couples wait until they are ready to split to go to counseling as a last resort and they divorce anyway, that's not the fault of the counselor. No one can repair damage to a ship that is taking on water everywhere.

Having been married multiple times, I am sort of an expert on this topic. Imagine if I had been married to all four at once, and all four required counseling. Holy smokes! I'd be hit more times than a piñata. While I spent time with one, the other three would form an alliance. You know, kind of like Survivor. Only there's no Jeff Probst to mediate and there certainly is no million dollar prize at the end.

I guess I could buy four million dollars worth of life insurance to ensure they will be nice to me, but that would violate my rule of never being worth more dead than alive. That's never a good thing. I would never get a good night's sleep. I would never really enjoy the food or drink that was made for me. I would be suspicious every second.

So, I guess the answer is that I just couldn't do it, and that makes me happy. Being married to the one and trying to make that work is worth it much of the time. In other marriages, they survive by blind accommodation. One or both just avoid fighting and confrontation. This way, they can both lives avoiding the fear of intimacy that plagues them deeply.

I have officiated many weddings and facilitated many pre-marital counseling sessions. I'm batting about .300, which would make me a star in baseball, so I feel pretty good about it.

Seriously, every couple is still together except one. I'm happy to have been a small part of their big day. I guess there can be happiness in marriage, if both people look for the happiness within.

That's deep, man. Deep.

See you tomorrow.

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