Performing Stand-up Comedy

Two comedians were talking, comparing gigs each had done lately. One says, "I did a horrible gig last night. It was at a bowling alley and it only paid $10 and some pizza". The other comic pauses and says, "Really? Who books it"?

Performers are a strange breed, and I honestly think that stand up comedians are the strangest of all. Why? Because we'll take just about any gig there is, and not even within reason.

I did a luncheon show at a buffet restaurant two years in a row, with no microphone and no one listening. They were there for the free food. But, I got paid and had some food, so it was worth it to me.

I did a 60th birthday party in someone's kitchen one night. It was horrible, but they paid a couple hundred bucks, so I did it. I did a 50th birthday party in a Harley Davidson dealership. I once did a show in a bat infested, dark cave. I'm not kidding.

I performed at a hotel in Ely, Nevada, where about 200 drunk people wouldn't pay attention to what you said at all. It was horrible, but paid $200, a room for the night and food. I did that gig twice.

One of my friends used to call me after a really weird gig, and tell me he did the weirdest gig ever. We would compare stories and I would always win. That changed one night when he called and told me he had just played the part of an insulting head of lettuce at a party.

They put two tables together in the buffet line, with a hole large enough for his head to fit through, then put green makeup on his head and covered him with lettuce. His job was to insult people as they went through the line. He wins. But, they paid him $300, so he did it.

Don't get me wrong, there are also great places to perform, and for the most part, the good outweigh the crazy. I've performed in front of 10,000 people and did very well, but I've also performed in front of one guy who wouldn't even crack a smile.

It's a crazy business, but we love it. Why would we do this crazy stuff if we didn't?

See you tomorrow.

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