Panic!

I hate it when my wife, who holds the debit card, tells me to get in line at the grocery store because she has to get one more item, and you reach the cashier before she gets back. That's awkward.

We've probably all experienced that, at one point or another in our lives. I don't go into grocery stores anymore because when I do, I seem to attract paramedics. It's a feeling of complete panic for me. You already have your items on the conveyor belt, so there's no stepping aside to let the person behind you go first. You have two choices: 1) behave like it's the end of the world, or 2) tell everyone she's drunk.

I vote for the latter. It gets you off the hook and no one will say anything to her about her errant behavior. Not only will they not blame you, they'll feel sorry for you. Quite a difference between looking like a dweeb and then being brave enough to go through this horrible, embarrassing behavior all of the time.

I love "The King of Queens" show. So does my brother, Jim. We always text quotes from Arthur, the great character played by the extremely talented Jerry Stiller. On the show, he would sometimes tell people that his wife, Carrie was drunk, usually to mask some mess he had created for himself. It always backfired on him, but this is foolproof. Sweet.

Speaking of sitcoms, have you noticed that the wives always start out being sweet and happy and over the years become, well, mean and angry? On "Everybody Loves Raymond" Patricia Heaton's character was sweet and lovable, but grew so mean over the years that everyone was afraid of her. I'm guessing, but I think that's where the new series, "Psycho" is headed.

The same was true with Leah Remini's character on King of Queens, only more so. I'll admit that in makes the show more interesting, cause the men are always portrayed as idiots who seem to get caught in some hair brained scheme on every episode. We'll see how Melissa McCarthy's character, Molly, evolves in "Mike & Molly".

In any case, perhaps it just emulates real life.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the back yard and dig a spider hole to hide in, just in case my wife reads this.

See you tomorrow.