Be Very Careful

I think the best part about being a Comedian is we can be seen talking to ourselves and laughing out loud and people just think, "He's a Comedian. Probably just working on a new skit".

A Comedians act is comprised of "bits", not skits. Skits are typically written scripts for more than one person. Our entire act is called a "set". If I hear one more person tell me, "Here's something you can put in your little skit", I'm going to punch them in the throat.

It's degrading to the comic, whether you think so or not. People say, give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't care anymore. I've been giving them the benefit far too long. A throat punch seems appropriate.

Also, there is at least one person after every show, who says that and then tells you an old joke that has been told a billion times. I'm going to start calling them on those, too. I will say, "Where did you read that, on a cave wall"?

The next time someone finds out I'm a Comedian and says," Say something funny". I'm going to kill them. I will just go Ziva on them. (NCIS fans will get that.) Just a couple of moves like a Navy Seal, and done. There isn't a jury in the land, once they know what we go through that would send me to prison for the crime.

They'll send me to a mental institution, where I can talk to myself and laugh, and they'll just say, "That's that comedian guy". Full circle.

One final thought. It should be legal for any comedian to use a wrist rocket (You know, those great, accurate sling shots) on any heckler that just won't shut up. I guarantee he'll never do it again.

The hecklers that approach you after the show that says, "That was me, doing the heckling. I was just trying to help the show", should be publicly hanged in the town square. Do towns even have those anymore?

Ok, obviously I would never do anything like what I've just described, but I sure feel better. All of the comedians who read this will understand. As for the rest of you? Be careful when you go see a show. Be very careful.

See you tomorrow.