The IRS

The IRS is finally getting audited. It's about time! I've been filling out those stupid 1040 forms, which means that for every $50 I make, I get 10 and they get $40.

What? The IRS is dirty? It's just so shocking! They've been such a pure government agency for so long! Surely you're kidding. No, I'm not kidding, and don't call me Shirley! (Sorry)

I've had several run ins with the IRS over the years. Once, I owed them $600 and needed to make payment arrangements. They had me fill out a financial statement and decided I would be unable to pay the bill.

I asked them if that meant I didn't have to pay. They told me I had to pay. I countered with, "But you just told me I couldn't pay it." The clerk said "Well, from your financial statement, you wouldn't even be able to pay $25 per month." I said, "I'm sure I can squeeze $25 from somewhere in my budget." He said, "No, according to what you filled out, I can't allow any arrangement."

Then he said something that proved to me that they are insane. He said, "Here's what I CAN do. You pay off the balance in three months, and there will be no paperwork, andeverything will be fine." I said, "Let me get this straight. You say that you won't allow me to pay $25 per month because I can't afford it, but you WILL let me pay $200 per month to pay it off?" He said yes.

Insane! Who makes rules like that? It happened that the head of the IRS was on a National radio talk show that afternoon. I called in to tell him what I had just been through. He was very embarrassed and took my information off air. A few weeks later, I received a notice,  allowing me to pay $25 per month. True story.

Then I got audited for each of the next three years. They tried on the fourth year, too, but I just didn't go. I had enough. Instead, I was in Farmington, New Mexico, doing stand-up. I never heard from them again.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I hear the guy in charge of Medicaid on the radio.

See you tomorrow.