Depression

I get so down sometimes, my psychiatrist makes me prepay.

There's nothing funny about depression. It is about as crippling as anything you might feel. Millions struggle with it. Even with medication, it's still a struggle. Sometimes there's a trigger, other times no. It just hits you like a shot to the face from Mike Tyson.
I'm struggling right now. Yesterday, a wonderful friend of mine was driving me around, running errands. I began to slip into seizure mode. We only needed to go to two places, so I'd be ok, or so I thought.

We went to a clinic, where I was to pick up a letter from my doctor to get my student loans forgiven. They sometimes do that when you are disabled. The first two places to where we were directed were wrong.

We finally ended up in the right place, only to be told that the letter wasn't there. Now, I was very close to having a seizure. Just before sending me away empty handed, someone found the letter. Now to the post office and I'm home free.

We went to what we thought was the right one; I had to get new mail box keys. Turns out it was the wrong place. At least I got my letter mailed. We then went to the right post office. Once inside, if it didn't go smoothly, I knew I would be in danger. I was talking to the clerk and the next thing I knew, paramedics were reviving me.

It's very embarrassing when these things happen. There are so many people who show up; incredible people, from first responders, who follow instructions from the 911 operator, to the police and paramedics. Extraordinary people, all of them.

It is, however, very embarrassing. It takes me a while to get back to a state where I'm familiar with my surroundings, day, date, time, etc. When I have sufficiently recovered and my vital signs are stable, I go home. There is no point in going to the hospital, because all they will do is check vital signs and send me home.

These seizures are stress induced, so the added pressure to pay for an ambulance and emergency room just makes things worse. What I need is to take some medicine and take a nap in my recliner.

For some reason, yesterday's events really got to me. I realize that I did too much two consecutive days, which is a prescription for disaster, I find it very difficult to slow down. I  must, and I know that, but it is tough to do.

Hopefully, this fog will lift today and I'll feel better.

See you tomorrow.