Begging

I’ll worry about being replaced by a computer when they make one that grovels.

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Computers never grovel. The closest it comes to gravelling is when it gives you a choice. "Do you want this program to open at boot?" Things like that. But make no mistake, the computer is in control. If you're nice to it, it will treat you well and remain healthy. If you visit sites that you should, the computer comes down with a virus, and you need to take it to a doctor.

There's no health insurance for a computer, short of extended warranty programs, and even then, they normally don't cover software issues.

I completely refresh my computer every once in a while, just to show it who's boss. Inevitably, however I seem to forget to back up something important, and I'm once again reminded who's really the boss.

It's no different than a relationship. Our ladies let us feel like we're in charge, but we all know the truth. She's capable of rebooting us as she pleases. The faster we realize that, the better life will be for us.

Our cars are the same way. The millisecond we think we're in charge, something completely out of our control will happen. A flat tire, a malfunction in the computer, a timing belt problem, or sometimes she just doesn't want to run.

With regard to groveling, there are many types. A Jewish friend of mine said it's foreplay in his marriage. A lawyer friend says it's part of his job. Sometimes, a person who is on their last leg of their job reduces themselves to groveling.

Groveling can also be very powerful. Who likes to kick someone when they're down. Only a jerk, and why grovel with a jerk? It's just not worth it, unless you get what you want by groveling, then let the jerk no, at some point, that you manipulated him. I've done that several times, but only spilled my guts when I had another job secured. That feels great!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to grovel for some help moving this weekend. That's for real.

See you tomorrow.

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