I Learn A Lot From The Mistakes That Others Make From My Advice

I learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice. Seriously, no one should ever take my advice unless it is comedy or leadership related. I've been married four times and went bankrupt. If you want my advice on anything else, forget it. 

I'm very fortunate to have the wife I have. She is very tolerant of my behaviors. I'm kind of quirky, I guess you could say. If not reminded, I forget to eat, and I mean all day. That's kind of weird  especially after being a fat kid in school. Very strange. I try to eat only when I'm hungry, which is rare. I don't know if it has to do with the medication I take, or what, but I just don't feel the need to eat. So don't ask me for nutritional advice.

I rebuilt a carborator once. I didn't have enough money for someone else to do it, so I did it myself. I had some parts left over, but the engine purred like a kitten and I couldn't have been more proud of myself. $12 for a kit and off I go. I stopped at at a local gas station and asked the mechanic how much he charged to rebuild carborators like mine. He said $75. I kind of said heh, heh heh to myself. when I started to drive away, the carborator exploded. Fire everywhere. The mechanic quickly doused the fire with a fire extinguisher, then called the other mechanics over to have a look. He asked me who did the work, because it was terrible. I told him my cousin did it. It ended up costing me the $75, plus more for the damage the fire caused. Don't ask me how to fix cars.

When I was younger, I worked at an automatic transmission shop. I was training to run the shop. as I was not mechanically inclined, as noted in the earlier paragraph. The owner of the shop was using a welding torch, which was sometimes needed on older cars to move a rusted cross bar to get to the transmission  Somehow, he caught his pants on fire. He told me to get some wet rags to put out the fire. In a panic, I got the only wet towels I could find, and threw them on the pant leg in flames. What I didn't know was these wet rags were wet with kerosene. One of the mechanics got the fire extinguisher and put out the fire quickly, so the owner wasn't burned very badly. Why he didn't fire me, is still a mystery to me to this day.

Another time, at the same shop, the owner used to go to a meeting with other businessmen on Fridays. We rented uniforms from a company, one for each day of the week and there were no spares. the owner asked me to get a bucket of solvent to clean out a part called a torque converter. he was just about to leave fro his meeting, a highlight of his week. when I reached him with the five gallon bucket, I dropped it on the floor, right on the bottom. As if in slow motion, the solvent went straight up in the air and came right down on the owner from head to toe. why he didn't fire me again was baffling to this day. He couldn't go to his meeting. He had to go home and change intro some grubbies so he could return to the shop. Don't ask me about solvents or putting putting out small fires.

Yet another time, I went to a gas station that used to send all of it's transmission work to our shop, but had suddenly stopped, without explanation. I went to visit him to find out what happened. He said that we replaced his transmission, at some point, and had really messed it up. I asked me to make it right. He pulled out a gun and aimed it at my face and told me I had 30 seconds to get off of his property. Not phased by the gun, the guy wasn't going to shoot me and spend the rest of his days in prison because of a transmission mishap. He said that I was either the most stupid person on the planet or I had a lot of guts, but in any case, he let me take his truck, complete with an overhead camper. When I pulled into the shop driveway, very proud of myself, I failed to make room for the shop doors, and ripped the side of the camper all the way down the left side. The owner told me to wait until after the station had close, then bring the truck back as it was and get my car and get out of there. The next morning, the guy showed up with the truck. the owner told me to hide in the bathroom until the guy was gone. I had no problem with that. I have no idea what our owner told the guy, but he left and I got the lecture of a lifetime and deservedly so. Don't ask me how to drive a pickup with a camper on it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pull my U-Haul into the driver.

See you tomorrow.