I Hate Radio

A dj was fired. He protested that his show was number one! "Yes, said the boss, but you're not hitting our demographic." "What is our demo?", asked the stunned dj. The boss said "Foreign national midget lesbians with lisps."

I hate the business. It's all been gobbled up by corporate Raiders; bean counters, who couldn't care less about talent. It's about money, that's for sure, and it always has been. It's a business.

The real problem is that the bean counters think it's all about the music. It's not. The music is the initial attraction, in many cases, but fun is the mainstay of the recipe. They have no clue.

I've done comedy shows for accounting firms. They are the worst. No sense of humor. I can get them to laugh, but it takes a while. I don't possess many bottom line jokes.

Radio executives seem to think that listeners won't change the channel if they have play the right music. They’re wrong. I used to produce bogus, funny commercials and mix them with the regular spots.

One day, the owner told me that he didn't like it, and he didn't think the clients did either. He said I was mocking the clients' ads. I asked him a question. Do you think the listeners are less likely to change channels during the break, and pay more attention to the commercials playing if they know they'll be entertained? He smiled, walked away, and never said another word about it.

Three times, I took stations to the top of the charts. You would think I would be rewarded for that. Nope. The first two times, the owner, who ran the country station, and was always number one, was knocked off of his perch by yours truly - twice. Instead of being happy that his only two stations were one and two in the market, he made my life hell until I quit.

Another time, I caught on at a station which had never been number one, ever. My first rating book, we took the number one spot, which meant higher ad rates, and therefore more profits. I was called into the boss's office. There was a consultant there who told me that I was the only reason they were number one. I said thank you and then asked for a raise. They were dumbfounded. A raise? That's out of the question. I quit on the spot.

Morons. All of 'em.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to my favorite satellite station, for the talent.

See you tomorrow.