Six Pack

I have a full six pack. I'm just missing the little plastic thingy that holds it all together.

We've heard the terms for those that might not be so bright. That, unfortunately, would include yours truly.

"Not playing with a full deck? he's not even in the game. A couple of bricks short of a load. A couple of knights short of a Crusade. A few birds shy of a flock. A few bits short of a byte."

There are a lot more, but you get the idea. I'm no masochist, but just reflecting...

Once to make my friends laugh, while out at a restaurant, I took a thick swizzle stick and "pretended to jam it up my nose." The problem is, I really did it. This was no ordinary swizzle stick, either. It had the equivalent of an arrow head on the end. It went all the way into my sinus cavity. Then I had to pull it out. Don't do this.

My friends were still laughing as I excused myself to go to the restroom, when I should have been going to the emergency room. It hurt so bad, I think I passed out for a few minutes, but I got it out. Surprisingly, it didn't bleed. I excused myself upon my return, lying about having to work early. They were still laughing hysterically when I left.

I actually had a date with my girlfriend, which is why I left. We were out at dinner and I leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. Timing has never been kind to me. At that very moment, my nose decided it was the perfect time to cut loose with so much blood, you'd have thought I had been shot in the face.

My girlfriend freaked out, covered in blood, and rushed me to the hospital. I quietly told the doctor what I had done. He just stared at me, called me an idiot, jammed some gauze up my naustral and told me to follow up with my physician.

I made up some ridiculous story about thin blood being hereditary and who knows what else, not thinking about the fact that the friends I pulled this little prank on, were mutual friends. Let's just say that a few days later, I was a free agent once again.

Yeah, I know. A few pixels short of a full screen, and I really wish I could say that was the last time I did something so stupid. It wasn't.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a room full of people in the other room, waiting to be entertained.

See you tomorrow.