Doctor Visit

When my first child was about to see daylight, I called the doctor. I said, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" He said, "Is this her first child?" I said, "No, you idiot! This is her husband!"

Like most people, I hate going to see a doctor. Especially at my age. In my thirties, if I had some pain in my side, the doctor would prescribe some medicine and send me on my way. Now, when I go and I tell the doc I have a pain in my side, he says, "That's gotta come out.".

Seriously, I've had so many body parts removed or repaired, its ridiculous. I'm now missing tonsils and adnoids, a kidney, appendix, 12 inches of intestine, my right shoulder rebuilt, a heart ablation. I had five bouts with diverticulitis, two which landed me in the hospital, nearly causing my demise. This does not include the illness that put me on disability.

I've had a vasectomy, a vasectomy reversal, which consisted of four hours of microsurgery and it didn't work, by the way, I was circumcised at 33 (don't ask) and earlier this year, one of the twins decided to run away from home. That was embarrassing because they stripped me of all of my Tour de France victories.

So, after all of that, you can understand why I'm fearful to go to a doctor. Something always needs to be rebuilt or removed. I don't have much to remove now. My spleen and gall blatter. Thankfully, I've had no trouble with either of them.

In any event, I may sound like a hypochondriac, but I assure you I'm not. I'm just amazed by the number of issues I've had. This time, it's a sports injury to the same knee that I broke back in the 80's. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to begin to run at the age of 57. I know that some people do it, but might have known that it would not bode well for me.

So, here I sit in the orthopedics office, waiting to review the MRI and to schedule yet another surgery. From now on, I'm going to stay on the couch. I've never heard of anyone getting injured on the couch.

See you tomorrow.