Half Human - Half Ape

It doesn't matter who you are, no one looks cool putting on deodorant.

Since we don't want to get the nasty white deodorant lines on our shirts and blouses, we put the deodorant on after the clothing. There is just no technique known to mankind that can make you look cool during application.

I think if I were rich, I would hire a deodorant assistant to apply the deodorant for me. That would be a bit awkward, but better than putting it on yourself. All you would have to do is lift your arm straight up and your assistant would apply the sticky, aromatic concoction. A deodorant assistant? Now that would be cool!

There would be no such assistant needed in France and a few other nations. There may be something to that. Let's face it, it's all about marketing. No one would by antiperspirants if someone didn't convince us that we would stink without them.

It's much like insurance. Many countries have no insurance companies or extended service policies. It's not even a consideration. If a car gets banged up, the owner either pays for the body repairs or decides it doesn't matter because it's just going to happen again.

I was in Paris and was driving into the traffic at the Arc De Triomphe. There are no lanes. You just merge and hope for the best. When you're in it, it's like demolition derby. No one comes out without some damage.

I have a friend who is from Turkey. She told me that when cars collide there, the drivers get out of their cars and fight. The loser pays for damages. She swears it's true. I have no idea. I've never been. If anyone reading this knows more about how collisions are settled in other countries, hit me up on Facebook and let me know.

I don't even want to think about the alleged Turkish system being enacted here. Too many gang bangers. If a kid 20 or under hit me, or someone around my age, I'd be like, "What up?" Any age in between, I'd already be writing out a check.

Fortunately, I no longer drive, so I don't have to stress about that. The last time I drove, I had passed out earlier and had a doctor appointment. Two of my friends helped me. One drove my car to the doctor's office, while the other followed to drive my friend back. After my session, I felt much better. My doctor asked me who was driving me home. Against his judgment, I got in my car and two blocks later, I rear ended a pick up.

Fortunately, the guy recognized me as a comedian and wasn't angry. We had the same insurance company, both had no prior claims, so they paid for repairs with no deductibles. Cool, but there was still a matter of the police report. When the officer arrived, she happened to be a friend of the guy I hit. She asked him about the accident and he said it was no big deal and the insurance company was handling damages. So, she didn't write a report, a citation - nothing. I parked the car in an adjacent parking lot and called for someone to pick me up.

I considered myself very fortunate that I didn't hurt someone and have never driven again. Maybe I could still drive in France or Turkey, but I think I'll stay put for now.

See you tomorrow.