Danger!

I used to work as a trapeze artist until I was let go.

"You're Funny! You Should Be A Comedian!"

I think many of us are guilty of behavior that might end poorly, with no plan B, operating without a net. I know I have.

I've had a gun pulled on me three times. I react sometimes, when I would be much better off thinking it through. A guy at a gas station pulled a gun out of his desk and aimed it at my forehead because I wouldn't leave without a sale. I made the sale.

Another time, as a young minister, I went to court with a guy who had been paroled by ratting out some other guys. When I got him back to his apartment and approached the stairs, I saw his girlfriend in in window, making eye contact and shaking her head no. Kenny dove into the bushes to hide.

I knew there were also two little girls in the apartment and I needed to do something fast. So, I went up the stairs and rang the doorbell. The woman opened the door, stunned that I came up. I said, "Are you ready to go?" She looked bewildered. I said, "Did you forget about the Bible Study again?"

Suddenly, the guy said come in here, now. So I did. He had his gun on me as he began to grill me about the church, my ministry credentials, Kenny and the Bible study. I calmly lied to the guy about the study as the woman got the girls. As we were leaving, the man said, "You tell Kenny that he can't hide forever, and that when we find him, we're going to kill him." We quickly got out of there.

The third time was my fault, and left me shaken. I was a DJ at an adult contemporary radio station. I was crazy on my show, which is why it was popular. I did my show remotely from the National Guard base. I tried out anything they would let me.

I used night vision goggles, which are really cool, ate the dehydrated meals they eat, which were pretty good, actually. The highlight of the day was an apache helicopter, which would be landing in the afternoon.

When it did land, it was amazing. What an incredible aircraft. It also had amazing weapons. While I was on the air, I decided to get a closer look at the apache. Then I decided to climb up the stairs to get a look inside.

There was an armed, uniformed soldier standing near the stairs. As my foot touched the stairs, the soldier said, "Stand down, sir." I thought he was joking, so I took another step. I heard, "Stand down, sir.", a little louder this time. I started to take one more step and this time he yelled the same phrase. I turned and looked, and the soldier had his gun aimed at my head.

I slowly moved down from the steps and when I was off, the soldier put his sidearm away. I asked him what would have happened if I had taken another step. He said he would have shot me, and he meant it. I immediately ended my show to go home, change my underwear and feel safe.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I see a porcupine, and I've always wanted to pet one.

I'll see you tomorrow.

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