Survive Divorces

I was so depressed after my third divorce, I had to see a shrink. He gave me drugs, but they didn't work because she's still alive.

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I've been married four times. I know! I think David Schwimmer's character on "Friends", Ross Geller, was patterned after me. He was married four times too.

People wonder how it happens. I have no idea. I'm pretty bull headed, when it comes to compromise. The old line, "I wanted a dog and she wanted a cat, so we compromised and got a cat.", was certainly not my blueprint. If you're not willing to bend in the marriage, better look for a good attorney.

As much as all divorced people like to blame their former spouse for the problems leading to the disaster, it really does take two to make enough mistakes to terminate the marriage. Sometimes it is behavior oriented, while other times it was a relationship that was not to be, but we ignore the warning signs.

My third wife turned out to be a meth head. I saw nothing in her behavior that would lead me there. Perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough, because I wanted to marry her. Who knows? I missed something along the way, for certain, because she wasn't smart enough to fool everyone, just her idiot fiance.

I invited my friend, Keith Stubbs to my second wedding. His response? "Na, I'll catch the next one. You can always count on Jerry for a wedding every couple of years". True story, and right on the money.

I finally had to stop myself. I stopped dating for a long time. I was running out of best men. I kept an attorney on retainer so if I even proposed to a woman, I could sue myself.

I think it's way too easy to get married. In some states, the couple getting divorced must complete marriage counseling for six months before a divorce decree is approved. I think the same should be required prior to marriage.

I'm still married to my fourth wife. It's been 15 years, shattering the previous record of 9. It's been rocky at times. We've hurdled many obstacles that would have ended most marriages, and yet we keep going and are still in love!

I think I've mellowed, and she has, as well. I'm still very stubborn, but I now choose the battles with more wisdom.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go apologize before it's too late.

See you tomorrow.

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