Honeymooners

I've been married four times. What can I say? I love honeymoons.

I have a minister and a lawyer on retainer at all times. I just can't be trusted to make good decisions on my own.

I'll tell you why I like honeymoons so much. Yes, the intimacy is great, but that's not it. It's the feeling of togetherness. You and me against the world, a ridiculous statement as if the world were planning an attack.

It's the exotic locations, the "throw financial caution to the wind" mentality. People just gave you a bunch of cash, so you blow it on a great time. No worries. Everything is fine.

When it's time to come home, I'm not very happy any longer. I know what's coming. "Let's do everything together; spend every waking moment we have, before and after work together. Ugh.

That only works until it's time to go out with the guys, like you've done for years. Now it's difficult."Everything is going to be okay. I've been going out with these same friends for years, now, and we're going to keep going out."

She thinks she should be the end all, be all. If you spent all of your time with her, you'd realize that the urge to hang out with your friends will go away, because now, you should feel fulfilled. Wrong.

Did we learn nothing from "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus?"  We all have certain expectations of each other. Unspoken expectations. Oops. They should have been discussed prior to the nuptials.

If your plan is to continue to be with the guys every week, that may be a deal breaker. "You're not the man I married." Of course not. If I were, I'd be the biggest wuss on planet.

In some cases, she will quit her job, just to spend more time with you,  meaning "You're not going anywhere without me, buster." And the fun begins. "Smothered? You didn't seem smothered on our honeymoon. There it is. She wants the romance to continue forever.

Men are not normally romantic people. We're just not. Simple. Understand that, and we'll have a much easier time through this marriage thing.

Soon, the traps begin. "If I died, would you remarry?" "Which one of my friends would you like to be intimate with, if you knew no one would ever know?"  "How much do you love me?"  Check mate. Done. I'm now looking for a way out.

The whip is coming out, and it's aimed directly at me. Time to run. Gotta avoid the whip. A whipped man can do nothing without permission. Forget that. If you ask a man who has been married for a pretty long time what the secret is, they will answer either "Yes, dear., or alcohol. 

Ladies, lower your expectations. No, even lower. The good ones won't cheat on you, so lighten up. Give a little freedom. Just a little.

I'm sure women have their issues with us, too, but I've never met been able to figure it out, so I do my thing.  Hence, the attorney and minister.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my golf clubs and hit the links with the fellas.

See you tomorrow.