Aching Back

I'm getting slower in my old age. My wife asked me to help her move some furniture. It took me 20 minutes to think of an excuse.

I don't mind moving furniture every now and then, and I will say my wife is pretty good at keeping it in place for extended periods of time. When she wants it rearranged, however, I hate it.

I hate it because we end up setting up the room in every way imaginable, numerous times. In the end, she finds the combination that suits her, but we've been fighting for an hour.

I think we should diagram everything to scale. That way, we can move things as many times as she likes, but the only things that may cramp up is my hands. She won't do it that way.

We think differently. I couldn't care less about how things are arranged, so long as I can sit in my favorite chair and see the television clearly. Most men think the same way.

Remember how we had our apartments arranged prior to getting married? Obviously, feng shui was not on our minds. There was, however, a system that we had, based on our priorities. That is the key word; priorities.

Women and men obviously have differences in priorities and the lady of the house wins the battle. The dwelling has mysteriously come under her jurisdiction. It's hers and you're not going to win, so why fight it?

I need one room which I can decorate myself, with no interaction. I set it up just the way I like it. If it's messy, I'll just close the door. She will counter with "What if we have company and they want to see the house?" Easy. Just say "That's Jerry's room. You don't want to see that." Everyone will understand.

The core issue, is that of reflection. She knows that the woman who she is showing the house to will either approve her approach or simply shrug it off, thinking the wife is a poor house keeper.

As men, we don't see the need to sterilize the home just because Nancy and Bernard are coming over. Bernie won't care how the house looks, but Nancy will. There's a lot at stake for the wife in this situation, and we just don't get it.

Our game is to have better electronic gear than Bernie. We want to make him envy our incredible insight into the world of the latest electronic inventions. Maybe we're really not that far apart after all. Like I said, it boils down to priorities.

Now, if you'll excuse me, we have company coming over and I need to begin negotiations.

See you tomorrow.