If Dogs Ruled The World

I think it would be funny if dogs ruled the world. We could get just about anything we wanted, just for doing nothing.

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I would love to be a dog who's looked after well. Almost everyone would love me and want to pet me and tell me how cute I am. I would never go without attention or affection.

I could eat what the humans eat, in addition to my food, just by bugging the crap out of them. I would be taken out for walks because I think it's time, and head back because I've had enough.

If they try to bathe me, I'll make sure they get soaked in the process. I'll play with my toys when I want, getting attention again. If I roll over, they will immediately begin rubbing my chest and tummy. I love it. I can get them to do most anything I want.

I'll get periodic haircuts, and those are like magic! Talk about attention! For weeks, everyone will talk about how beautiful or handsome I am. I can be ugly, and still considered adorable. I can do the most simple things imaginable, like lifted one paw as if to shake hands, and get a lovely treat. Suckers. I can do a lot more, but why should I?

I can get affection just by sleeping! When I fall asleep, someone will notice and either speak favoritely of me, or come over to pet me. The thing that they do that really gets me going, is the baby talk. I don't like it, and it sounds ridiculous, but if I can bear it, the rewards are great.

If they knew what we were capable of, they would hide. We already run most households, so it would be rather easy to take neighborhoods and cities. I know what you're thinking, you could take us out with guns. Sorry, buddy,. We're protected.

Once the takeover is complete, we'll have the first kanine president, cabinet, Congress - every elected office. We'll use trees, or whatever we think of to relieve ourselves, while humans clean up after us. We'll get high paying jobs, so we can finally buy the food that we want.

We'll be under pressure to pay bills, find nice shelter, look out for our little ones as we work, all the while worrying about getting shot by some unruly human  being. To compensate, we'll begin smoking cigarettes, taking prescription medications, alcohol and illegal drugs to get by.

Even the world champion frizbee champions will juice to stay one step ahead of the competition. The pressure would be great. You know what? I think I'll just be content with running the house. No pressure. You humans can deal with all of that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this nap isn't going to take itself.

See you tomorrow.

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