Idiots vs. Psychos

I  firmly believe that men are idiots and women are psycho. It's God's greatest practical joke.

There's plenty of proof to back up the theory. Men are generally at the mercy of their wives. In many cases, we easily fall victim of Carl's Jr. Messy burger commercials, as if that's really what a woman is holding out for; a guy who is lured into a burger joint because he saw two hotties eating messy burgers.

Young guys think that women want a guy with his behind hanging out of his pants. So much so, that when they walk, they have to have one hand free to hold the pants up. Really? Idiots.

We need buffer zones. Unless forced to do otherwise, we need them at movie theaters, urinals, car seats... There are more, but you get the idea.

Women, on the other hand, go to the bathroom in groups. Why? In asking thousands of women, the most common answer I got was they wanted to talk about the guys they're with. I guess that's why their bathrooms are sort of like condos. Couches? Really? Is it really that exhausting for you? "I just tinkled. I need a nap." Psycho.

Sometimes my wife will be completely angry with me when she wakes up. Why? Because in her dream I did something wrong. She'll stay mad for days about it, too. And we can't stand it, so we apologize for what we did in her dream. Idiots and psycho.

We need each other, which is why we are tolerant of each other. Until, that is, we become part of the 50% of those who are divorced. Then we try it again, sure it will be different, which is why the divorce rate escalates to ridiculous levels in multiple marriages. Following the honeymoon period, we finally get the fact that men are idiots and women are psycho. It's just the way it is. Just accept it.

See you tomorrow.