Love Languages

Dear lady at the doctor's office, I've been married for nearly 15 years now (well, 26 if you count them all) and I just had to yell at someone. Sorry it was you. My apologies.

It's interesting to me that in 25 years as a comedian, when I've asked men what their secret is for a happy marriage, there have been only two answers: "Yes, Dear" and "alcohol". Well, one guy said he turns his hearing aids off. 

Assuming that's true, and surely not in every case, it's no wonder the divorce rate is a staggering 50%. The old phrase, "If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.", is unfortunately true in most households. I hate that phrase. It really upsets the balance of a good marriage. 

As men, we've accepted that as truth. That's probably a big reason for the divorce rate. We don't have a voice at home. If we don't have a voice, resentment builds and one day, voila, divorce. I'm not just blaming women for this. Men do what they're told because they don't want to deal with their angry wife. Wives get angry because they feel their husbands don't do enough to help out with household chores, taking care of the kids, etc. 

Both people need to be able to speak to each other lovingly, get frustrated with each other, but not to the point of yelling. When it gets to that point, neither is listening to the other. There is a great book called "The Five Love Languages", that is wonderful for learning how to communicate with your partner in their love language. For some, a physical touch is most important, for others it is verbal reinforcement. In any case, if you speak to your spouse in their "language", you are less likely to fight. 

Everyone will have their squabbles. That's part of being a human being. My wife and I used to fight a lot. I read the book and discovered that I was disappointed because she didn't treat me the way that I wanted, but, more importantly, I wasn't treating her the way that she wanted. Her love languages were really being heard and being helpful when things needed to be done. That's it. When I began doing those things, she started treating me the way that I wanted. I was amazed. 

If we choose to ignore what each other needs, well, that's when divorce becomes part of the conversation. Listening to the other person and following through is such an important element in any relationship. Get the book and read it. You'll be amazed at the difference in your marriage. 

Listen to me, like I'm an expert? I keep a minister and an attorney on retainer at all times.

See you tomorrow. 

My new book, The Twisted Musings of a Comedian II, will be available on Amazon.com just in time for Christmas! 

My books: Amazon.com                        Facebook: Jerry Mabbott                           Twitter: @jmabbott                                          Blog: jmabbott.blogspot.com